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You can learn how to support your partner and how to be supported.You can even learn how to get your needs met, even if you can’t imagine how someone who is depressed could meet your needs when they’re working so hard just to be OK themselves. In relationships, we must continually assess whether we should meet the needs of our partners, our own needs, or the needs of the relationship.Unfortunately, it’s a waste of your energy when they’re deep in depression, and actually leads to disconnection and distance.This way of attempting to help can easily lead to arguments because your partner is unable to agree or see your efforts as helpful. It’s painful to watch someone you care about suffer and not be able to help them.It can be bewildering to listen to the person you admire and value most talk about themselves with extreme negativity, and in a way that doesn’t at all align with how you see them.It may be as simple as giving them a hug or holding them. When we offer this kind of care, we join our partner in their suffering.To do this, you will have to learn to be OK with the discomfort that comes with seeing a problem and not trying to fix it. It isn’t their fault that they can’t just shake it off.
You can stop trying to treat their depression and instead offer empathy, care, and love.To begin creating more balance in your relationship, you must acknowledge that you have needs and at least some of them must be met.Start to notice how much you’re choosing to meet your partner’s needs instead of your own.Remind your partner that you care for them even when they're feeling at their worst.Be curious about what your partner is feeling, wanting, and needing.