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I don’t try very hard.” Yet another woman said that she used an app, but only “after two glasses of white wine—then I promptly delete it after two hours of fruitless swiping.”Many critiques of online dating, including a 2013 article by Dan Slater in The Atlantic, adapted from his book A Million First Dates, have focused on the idea that too many options can lead to “choice overload,” which in turn leads to dissatisfaction.
Online daters, he argued, might be tempted to keep going back for experiences with new people; commitment and marriage might suffer.
For one thing, lots of people appear to be using them as a diversion, with limited expectations of meeting up in person.As a 27-year-old woman in Philadelphia put it: “I have insecurities that make fun bar flirtation very stressful. If it doesn’t work out, fine, but there’s never a Is he asking me to hang as a friend or as a date?feeling.” Other people said they liked the fact that on an app, their first exchanges with a prospective date could play out via text rather than in a face-to-face or phone conversation, which had more potential to be awkward. “This person is interested in me to some extent.” The problem is that the more Anna uses apps, the less she can imagine getting along without them.A 28-year-old woman said that she persisted in using dating apps even though she had been abstinent for three years, a fact she attributed to depression and low libido: “I don’t have much inclination to date someone.”“After a while it just feels exactly the same as getting good at a bubble-popping game.I’m happy to be good at it, but what am I really achieving?