Why dating is wrong
That would be my last date before a self-imposed dating sabbatical. I had been like that for months, emotionally battered after my last relationship and closed off to connection.Looking back one year later, my brain has blotted out much of the months I spent with my ex.I subconsciously started to recognize how exhausted I was.Historically, I’d tossed my energy at whatever my whims desired, and these characteristics—charming, confident, successful, witty—usually depleted me of my otherwise healthy self-esteem.I remember it hurt; I don’t remember all the details. He was a fantastic liar, always changing his story so smoothly.I recall a series of ups and downs, in which I felt completely inadequate as a relationship partner. He always made me believe in his intentions, before retracting his words and making me feel crazy for believing his previous sentiments would hold weight.I’ve ever had a conversation that went like this: Me: “You promise that you wouldn’t ever do such a thing.” Her: “So? For whatever reason you think you’re doing it for, you’re going to have to seriously re-evaluate the whole relationship. By the way the keyword here is “constantly.” I believe a couple can work through a bad episode of infidelity (Good people cheat after all.) But if it keeps happening, then there’s a real need to find the seed of unhappiness. Scenario #1: You got mad at them over something they did. But you could be blinded by your own feelings, so you don’t listen to your friends. While money is important, to equate a person’s worth to one mere thing means you don’t look into their heart. A bad marriage, a crap partner, a lack of excitement, bad timing or whatever don’t cause infidelity. It only means they can’t accept you for who you are and they want to sculpt an image out of you so they can find a reason to love you. What I think is, if one or a few friends tell you something, perhaps you can brush it aside. If you care not to look into their heart, then really, is that love?
Although I was technically there, I couldn’t force myself to actually show up for that date.
I’ve thought of that many times before about my exes. It’s like we looked for each other for the wrong reasons or suffered some bad karma. It makes you wonder why you do stupid shit in the past.
It makes you cringe, laugh and make that face when you take a hard shit. And the thing is, the signs back then were always so obvious. It wasn’t like we had this repertoire going on where we could swear at each other for fun.
As I mentally leafed through the pages of that dating history, reflecting on the type of guys that I had chosen, a frightening pattern of similarities emerged.
They’d all pursued me with strong initial interest.